I sit on the couch, attempting to meet my quota for my daily writing. I open the document for my current project, but the thoughts refuse to flow freely. I’m at a tense and pivotal part of the chapter, and it must be handled adeptly.
But today, I don’t have the mental capacity to make any headway. It makes me feel guilty. Work on this chapter has already dragged on far too long. Readers on RoyalRoad expect updates every week, but I’ve been averaging new chapters once per month. For difficult sections like this, it takes me a week or two just to get the words down, and twice as long to revise them.
The worst part is, I don’t know if the end result is even that good. I’ve been doing heavy revision for each part, trying to make sure my intent is clear and each word is chosen as efficiently as possible. But I have zero feedback to go on once I put it out there.
Each release gets a little over a hundred views, but no comments. I can’t tell how many of those views actually finish reading the piece. I don’t expect it to be widely read. The important part is finishing it. It’s an accomplishment I want for myself. But constructive criticism would be helpful in making it the best it can be.
I think about how few people read these days. It’s hard as hell to get anyone to care about your work unless it’s being advertised or sold. I get it. I don’t even want to sign up for free critique groups because they usually require you to critique others’ work in exchange. I don’t have time for that right now. It’s hard enough to find time to write, with the kids and work taking up so much space.
I worry that maybe I don’t enjoy the writing process as much as I thought. When I sit down to work on something, it’s often difficult to focus and tune out distractions. Chapter four came easily at first, but now I’ve hit a wall. The scene has become hard to set; the actions are a challenge to describe. Maybe it means I should skip ahead and work on a different part of the story and come back to this later. I have an aversion to working out of order, but that’s probably not a good habit to keep.
I realize I get in my own way. If I want feedback, I have to make time to join a critique group. If I want to get through this tough spot, I need to be willing to skip ahead and clear my mind. I think tomorrow I’ll try it—despite my reluctance. The story deserves the freedom I’m afraid to give it.
